Sabbatical

it's okay that
you didn't like me
enough
and it's okay that
you were never
really that into me
it's okay that
you were turned off
by my actions
you can't help
what you feel
i am a testament to that

what's not okay
is how you pull
me along
by a string
and just when
i think it will finally
break
you tie another knot
to strengthen something
that is made of
mist
and expectations
and strong wills

you're playing me
like an old
out of tune
piano
and i keep letting you
caress my ivory keys
i'm addicted to your
fingers
and your
rhythm
i don't want this
song to end
but it already has
and what i'm hearing
is only the echoing
in my head

this whole time
you were a mirage
i kept seeing things
that were never there
where does that leave me?
alone
embarrassed
admonished
sitting with my hand slapped
my lesson learned
i learn all my lessons
in real time
and it gets harder
to recover each time
i fall down
and each movement
to stand on my feet again
more sluggish
and weary

~ July 2005