Daydreams

I dream of you
in the daylight
sleep
is the only
release I get
from your
unrelenting
grip on my
heart and
mind and
soul
you seep into
my consciousness
so smoothly
and seamlessly
that there
is no beginning
nor end to
my awareness of you
you wind your way
into my conversations
so quietly
that I don't
even realize
you're coming
out of my lips
you have polluted
my deepest
belief in love
the waters are
now
so murky
that I cannot see
what's coming
or where I've been
yet you can
see your reflection
in me

I feel like
my body is
still reaching out
for you
although
my mind
has verbally
cut all ties
I have aches
and pains
that can only
be explained
by missing you

I long
for the day
when I
cannot
remember
your face
when I
cannot
remember
how your
words first
made me feel
and when I
cannot
hear your voice
speaking the name
you gave me

I don't
know how
to shake
this premonition
that you're mine
that you
belong
with me
and though
doubts creep
around my mind
testing my conviction
by brandishing their
sharp weapons
of false
accusations
based on little
kernels of truth
I Hold Steady

What good
are beliefs
if they go untested
how strong
are soul mates
until they
walk through fire
towards one another

My fear
is that
you won't be
standing there
amongst the
charred remains
of our separation
my fear
is that
you'll be walking
with another
and
that I will
be nothing
more to you
than a memory.

~ October 2005