MS Walk

I walk because I want to honor my mother
I want to honor the fighter in her, not the loss of her
I want to honor her spirit in the face of a devastatingly subtle disease with
conspicuous consequences
I want to honor the stubborn resister who raised me with autonomy knowing
that she'd leave me prematurely

I walk because I can physically get up and move my limbs
Limbs that resemble hers in length and width and color
Limbs that can move like she hadn't been able to in years
Limbs that are not independent of my brain and nervous system

I walk because I was unable to accept this disease and its cloaking of her until she was fully ensconced in it
Until she couldn't lift a fork to her mouth
Until she couldn't gesture wildly while telling her favorite stories
Until she took her last breath with a frown on her face, worrying about me while
looking into her unknown

I walk because I can do something positive with the gifts she's given me
This gift of life and the living of it with hope and appreciation
This gift of strength to continue on with purpose and a smile regardless of
the sadness I sometimes float in
This gift of quiet knowledge that the events unfolded like they were supposed to
and that regret is for the feint of heart

I walk because I want to make her as proud as she always made me

I walk

~ March 2006