5 reasons I might just become the scary, insane lady on the block that lives alone and scares small children. Oh suburban living...
1) I just went outside in my undies and a tank top (its very hot and humid!) to yell "scram" at the neighborhood cats that like to make a habit of standing 2.5 inches away from one another in my front yard to have a meowing match while raising their hackles. Who the hell says "scram" anymore anyway except your poor, crazy, old Aunt Gertrude and the weird guy on the corner that sings into the handle of a used plunger to get passing cars to donate to his beer cause?
2) I have 3 cats and live alone ... and talk to them at times ... and talk to myself ... and have 3 cats and live alone.
3) When I think of something funny, regardless of where I am or what I'm doing, I will laugh out loud (usually tilting my head back in full lisa d style). Picture me sitting at my desk in the branch of a credit union in my smartest banker outfit. I'm seemingly typing and working diligently one moment and the next moment I'm laughing, lets face it cackling really, at nothing but the raucous images in my head.
4) When I find that I have accidentally walked through a discarded spider web and have a 6% chance of having a spider in my near vicinity I will do the full-on, freak out bug dance complete with spazzy, flailing body movements and high-pitched eeks of fear. (This usually happens right outside my door as I'm leaving for work almost everyday, and I still don't seem to catch on after all my repeat performances.)
5) While trying to start my lawn mower and tame my raging patch of land, I had one of my first temper tantrums since NKOTB broke up. This happened on a Sunday (holy resting day batman) in the afternoon while my neighbors were out. I kicked, I screamed, I pouted, and finally gave in. Damn red metal bastard!
To be continued ...
Sunday, July 30, 2006
This is how I roll
Dina, Kayla and I rode our bikes on Padden last night. It's a concrete path with some pretty vegetation on the side of a busy road - a glorified sidewalk really - but nice for bike riding and walking, if not a bit loud. So we ride about 4 miles, turn around at this intersection, and then ride back.
Kayla rides like she's drug smuggling and has the fuzz quick on her tail. You can try to keep up with her at first, but all of the sudden you look up and she's but a speck in the distance. I come trailing next, slow but steady like a normal - if not totally out of shape - bike rider. Then comes Dina la-la-la'ing her way along, smiling at the blueberries, and squirrel-watching like the zen bike rider that she is.
Needless to say, Kayla reaches each intersection first, then I come huffing along, and then Dina arrives all cheerful and we continue on. At the last intersection before the big turn-around-and-come-back, Kayla is waiting patiently (and a bit fervently if you ask me) as I roll up and try to do this almost-rear-end-her turn and stop maneuver. My foot gets caught (that's the official story, but really I think my leg was just too tired to move from the petal) and doesn't hit the pavement in time and I fall over on my side with my bike landing on top of me in a glorious thud. Not only is this hilarious to Kayla and I, but I also have an audience of about 8 or 10 cars that think my klutziness is entertaining and they proceed to point and laugh as well.
All in all, this was a valuable lesson. You're never to old to fall over and be laughed at, and it doesn't hurt at all. This allowed me the freedom to take my bike off some sweet jumps in Dina's neighborhood and not be afraid of biffing it .... again!
Kayla rides like she's drug smuggling and has the fuzz quick on her tail. You can try to keep up with her at first, but all of the sudden you look up and she's but a speck in the distance. I come trailing next, slow but steady like a normal - if not totally out of shape - bike rider. Then comes Dina la-la-la'ing her way along, smiling at the blueberries, and squirrel-watching like the zen bike rider that she is.
Needless to say, Kayla reaches each intersection first, then I come huffing along, and then Dina arrives all cheerful and we continue on. At the last intersection before the big turn-around-and-come-back, Kayla is waiting patiently (and a bit fervently if you ask me) as I roll up and try to do this almost-rear-end-her turn and stop maneuver. My foot gets caught (that's the official story, but really I think my leg was just too tired to move from the petal) and doesn't hit the pavement in time and I fall over on my side with my bike landing on top of me in a glorious thud. Not only is this hilarious to Kayla and I, but I also have an audience of about 8 or 10 cars that think my klutziness is entertaining and they proceed to point and laugh as well.
All in all, this was a valuable lesson. You're never to old to fall over and be laughed at, and it doesn't hurt at all. This allowed me the freedom to take my bike off some sweet jumps in Dina's neighborhood and not be afraid of biffing it .... again!
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Shoulding
i should be
cleaning my house
because hairballs
are floating by my feet
like tumbleweeds
on a deserted
hardwood highway
i should be
mowing my lawn
because it gives
the word overgrown
an entirely new
dimension and meaning
and i think there’s
an APB out
for a neighborhood cat
lost in the
rickety jungle
that is my backyard
i should be
more fashion forward
and thrift store savvy
as i cringe at the
tedious selections
meekly hanging
in my closet
and draped over
most of the surfaces
of my bedroom
i should be
erudite and
more informed of
political topics
as i have such a
love for words and thoughts
and have strong opinions
on most things debatable
i should be
more adept in the kitchen
remembering the
frozen burrito
i had for breakfast
and my gourmet dinner
of cornnuts last night
i should be
making a list
of all the things
that i am
instead of focusing
on what i may
or may not be
but ….
what would it say
~ July 2006
cleaning my house
because hairballs
are floating by my feet
like tumbleweeds
on a deserted
hardwood highway
i should be
mowing my lawn
because it gives
the word overgrown
an entirely new
dimension and meaning
and i think there’s
an APB out
for a neighborhood cat
lost in the
rickety jungle
that is my backyard
i should be
more fashion forward
and thrift store savvy
as i cringe at the
tedious selections
meekly hanging
in my closet
and draped over
most of the surfaces
of my bedroom
i should be
erudite and
more informed of
political topics
as i have such a
love for words and thoughts
and have strong opinions
on most things debatable
i should be
more adept in the kitchen
remembering the
frozen burrito
i had for breakfast
and my gourmet dinner
of cornnuts last night
i should be
making a list
of all the things
that i am
instead of focusing
on what i may
or may not be
but ….
what would it say
~ July 2006
Wednesday
I wish
I could write
but there is
nothing to say
there’s the
blinking
of an unset clock
and a cat bathing
nearby
he is the
weirdest cat
I have ever had
I wake up to
bottle caps
and hair ties
in my shoes
his crooked tail
flails behind him
as he barrels
through the house
slipping
most awkwardly
on the hardwood floors
he has been
described as
sitting fat
and disaffected
in corners
by one of
my favorite writers
but he notices things
with an eerily
human-like
perceptiveness
he’s always the first
to detect
when I’m sad
comforting me
the best way
he knows how
~ June 2006
I could write
but there is
nothing to say
there’s the
blinking
of an unset clock
and a cat bathing
nearby
he is the
weirdest cat
I have ever had
I wake up to
bottle caps
and hair ties
in my shoes
his crooked tail
flails behind him
as he barrels
through the house
slipping
most awkwardly
on the hardwood floors
he has been
described as
sitting fat
and disaffected
in corners
by one of
my favorite writers
but he notices things
with an eerily
human-like
perceptiveness
he’s always the first
to detect
when I’m sad
comforting me
the best way
he knows how
~ June 2006
Tuesday
there is
a painting
on my wall
that reminds me
of a calla lily
and I wonder
what other
walls it will adorn
in the future
I feel like
this first house
of mine
will usher in
a new phase
of my life
I’m all grown up now
it seems
strapped down with
a mortgage
and the worries
of middle management
this isn’t
at all
how I thought
I would turn out
well
that’s not
entirely true
I didn’t have
the ability
to imagine
my life after
she left it
and now
though I have
the freedom
of an empty page
I’m somewhat scared
of the words
that will be written
upon it
and terrified of
what might be
left unsaid
~ June 2006
a painting
on my wall
that reminds me
of a calla lily
and I wonder
what other
walls it will adorn
in the future
I feel like
this first house
of mine
will usher in
a new phase
of my life
I’m all grown up now
it seems
strapped down with
a mortgage
and the worries
of middle management
this isn’t
at all
how I thought
I would turn out
well
that’s not
entirely true
I didn’t have
the ability
to imagine
my life after
she left it
and now
though I have
the freedom
of an empty page
I’m somewhat scared
of the words
that will be written
upon it
and terrified of
what might be
left unsaid
~ June 2006
Monday
Monday
10:49 PM
there is a
fucking
dog barking
and I’ve never
felt like
kicking ass
more than I do
right now
people seem
to have
lost their
sense of
courtesy
they think …
hmmm
this annoying
yapping
probably
isn’t bothering
anyone
I’ll just
turn up my TV
pop another top
off the old Milwaukee’s Best
and scratch my belly
for no apparent reason
if I had
more teeth
I’d munch on
some of
that there
peanut brittle
I’m so fund of …
ahhhh
silence
the commercial
is over
back to
edited reality
~ May 2006
10:49 PM
there is a
fucking
dog barking
and I’ve never
felt like
kicking ass
more than I do
right now
people seem
to have
lost their
sense of
courtesy
they think …
hmmm
this annoying
yapping
probably
isn’t bothering
anyone
I’ll just
turn up my TV
pop another top
off the old Milwaukee’s Best
and scratch my belly
for no apparent reason
if I had
more teeth
I’d munch on
some of
that there
peanut brittle
I’m so fund of …
ahhhh
silence
the commercial
is over
back to
edited reality
~ May 2006
Just found this in an old email ...
... and forgot I had even written it ...
i dreamt that i was
shrouded in a
golden glow
warmed from the inside out
rays reaching to you
as my mind
finally stilled
more peaceful
than i've been
in months
as the pieces of me
fell away
i can't sense you
you have moved on
fully and completely
do you still think of me
or is it true what they say
time is not real
and these years are but
the blink of an eye to you
you yawn
awoken from your
peaceful slumber
stretching your long
lanky, restored limbs
and stare at something beautiful
as i work day after day
and go through the motions
remembering you
honoring you
missing you
were we not solely connected
was i supposed to be yours
or was i born a fluke
the line that ties me to you
is getting thinner and thinner
you become more like a theory
a story of loss
the embodiment of
things that never came to fruition
a mother in disguise
i'm stuck
i don't know where to go
from here
and need you more
than i ever thought possible
i need to know your mistakes
so i don't go
traipsing through them
blindly
i need to memorize
your triumphs
so i can make repeat performances
and drink from the cup of wisdom
you held so tightly to your chest
the things that you taught me
that slipped pastmy stubborn defenses
may not have been
what you intended
to pass along
i seem to be taking
the bad more liberally
than the good
and can barely remember
where to go from here
~ February 23, 2006
i dreamt that i was
shrouded in a
golden glow
warmed from the inside out
rays reaching to you
as my mind
finally stilled
more peaceful
than i've been
in months
as the pieces of me
fell away
i can't sense you
you have moved on
fully and completely
do you still think of me
or is it true what they say
time is not real
and these years are but
the blink of an eye to you
you yawn
awoken from your
peaceful slumber
stretching your long
lanky, restored limbs
and stare at something beautiful
as i work day after day
and go through the motions
remembering you
honoring you
missing you
were we not solely connected
was i supposed to be yours
or was i born a fluke
the line that ties me to you
is getting thinner and thinner
you become more like a theory
a story of loss
the embodiment of
things that never came to fruition
a mother in disguise
i'm stuck
i don't know where to go
from here
and need you more
than i ever thought possible
i need to know your mistakes
so i don't go
traipsing through them
blindly
i need to memorize
your triumphs
so i can make repeat performances
and drink from the cup of wisdom
you held so tightly to your chest
the things that you taught me
that slipped pastmy stubborn defenses
may not have been
what you intended
to pass along
i seem to be taking
the bad more liberally
than the good
and can barely remember
where to go from here
~ February 23, 2006
Ordinary Angels
friends
are a funny thing
some of them float
easily
into your life
and settle
in your chest
as if filling
a spot created
just for them
if you're lucky
you get one of
these a lifetime
they are the family
you were
separated from
at birth
that you spend
your life
searching for
but don't know
you're missing
they are the people
you choose to love
and aren't tied to
through blood
or obligation
or marriage
they fill you up
and make you float
surrounding you
with love
so buoyant
that reality
as you know it
is changed
your existence is brighter
your laugh louder
your sadness less sharp
they are ordinary
Angels
walking beside you
in front of you
and behind you
acknowledging your needs
to lead
to follow
and to fall into step
they are the ones
that remind you
to be amazing
they make you want
to be better
to keep growing
hoping one day
to be for them
what they are to you
they make you feel
celebrated
and cherished
while reminding
you to be
humble
they keep you in check
with a grace that allows
you to take the
lesson for what it is
and they make you
feel like you're
greater
than you are
so that you'll
do greater things
I do not
possess such
a wizardry with words
as to write a song
to sing their praises
but I will
lay my gratitude
at their feet
for the gifts
they continuously
give me
the gifts of
friendship
loyalty
laughter
forgiveness
understanding
growth
and belonging
Thank you
~ June 20, 2006
are a funny thing
some of them float
easily
into your life
and settle
in your chest
as if filling
a spot created
just for them
if you're lucky
you get one of
these a lifetime
they are the family
you were
separated from
at birth
that you spend
your life
searching for
but don't know
you're missing
they are the people
you choose to love
and aren't tied to
through blood
or obligation
or marriage
they fill you up
and make you float
surrounding you
with love
so buoyant
that reality
as you know it
is changed
your existence is brighter
your laugh louder
your sadness less sharp
they are ordinary
Angels
walking beside you
in front of you
and behind you
acknowledging your needs
to lead
to follow
and to fall into step
they are the ones
that remind you
to be amazing
they make you want
to be better
to keep growing
hoping one day
to be for them
what they are to you
they make you feel
celebrated
and cherished
while reminding
you to be
humble
they keep you in check
with a grace that allows
you to take the
lesson for what it is
and they make you
feel like you're
greater
than you are
so that you'll
do greater things
I do not
possess such
a wizardry with words
as to write a song
to sing their praises
but I will
lay my gratitude
at their feet
for the gifts
they continuously
give me
the gifts of
friendship
loyalty
laughter
forgiveness
understanding
growth
and belonging
Thank you
~ June 20, 2006
Friday, June 16, 2006
Seis de Mayo
I just woke up
not feeling too hot
questioning my actions
from last night
questioning myself
for questioning them
it was so good to see
those familiar faces
new and old
connecting with the ones
I’m connected to
disconnecting a little
from the likes of you
someday soon
we’ll be like that
sitting on cushions
of old memories
speaking of new lives
not knowing
each other
anymore
reverting back to
roles we used to play
those who don’t allow
themselves to attach
to someone
seem to have
a lot of faces
to catch up with
is there no
one
that got away
is there no
one
that you burn
inside for
what do you
hold onto
to anchor yourself down
May 2006
not feeling too hot
questioning my actions
from last night
questioning myself
for questioning them
it was so good to see
those familiar faces
new and old
connecting with the ones
I’m connected to
disconnecting a little
from the likes of you
someday soon
we’ll be like that
sitting on cushions
of old memories
speaking of new lives
not knowing
each other
anymore
reverting back to
roles we used to play
those who don’t allow
themselves to attach
to someone
seem to have
a lot of faces
to catch up with
is there no
one
that got away
is there no
one
that you burn
inside for
what do you
hold onto
to anchor yourself down
May 2006
Sunday Afternoon
there’s lots of beauty
in this world
my bad day
was interrupted
by it
many times over
the park
dogs running
and tripping
in the grass
looking up
at the clear blue sky
and seeing petals
floating all around
reading a book
on a blanket
with a good friend
by your side
loyalty incarnate
that I was
so taken aback
and touched
by the selfless
offer of a stranger
saddens me
where did I
get this
closed off way
of living
entombed in my house
and in my heart
writing has become
my lifeline
my way of
telling others
not to worry
or of calling
out for help
subtly and blindly
it’s my only outlet
I’ve allowed
to share my
weaknesses and
fears and sadness
in such a public way
and even then
I only share
certain parts
of poems
with others …
April 2006
in this world
my bad day
was interrupted
by it
many times over
the park
dogs running
and tripping
in the grass
looking up
at the clear blue sky
and seeing petals
floating all around
reading a book
on a blanket
with a good friend
by your side
loyalty incarnate
that I was
so taken aback
and touched
by the selfless
offer of a stranger
saddens me
where did I
get this
closed off way
of living
entombed in my house
and in my heart
writing has become
my lifeline
my way of
telling others
not to worry
or of calling
out for help
subtly and blindly
it’s my only outlet
I’ve allowed
to share my
weaknesses and
fears and sadness
in such a public way
and even then
I only share
certain parts
of poems
with others …
April 2006
Settling?
loving someone
is a beautiful thing
to want what’s best
for them
despite how much
it hurts you
is even more
luminous
how do you
honor yourself
when all
you want
is their time
their thoughts
their heart
it’s not real
it’s not what
you think
it should be
but you
can’t say no
I want you
to have everything
that you need
I want you to
get enough of
what you deserve
and I want you to
get some of
what you want
when it serves
you right
we are all
so much more worthy
than the lives we set up
and the paths we
follow
settling is so much easier
than going after the dream
you know what
I’m talking about
the one thing
that despite
it’s elusion
and your persistent
doubts
sticks in your mind
and floats through
your thoughts
each time
you meet
someone new
don’t ever
settle
for long
April 2006
is a beautiful thing
to want what’s best
for them
despite how much
it hurts you
is even more
luminous
how do you
honor yourself
when all
you want
is their time
their thoughts
their heart
it’s not real
it’s not what
you think
it should be
but you
can’t say no
I want you
to have everything
that you need
I want you to
get enough of
what you deserve
and I want you to
get some of
what you want
when it serves
you right
we are all
so much more worthy
than the lives we set up
and the paths we
follow
settling is so much easier
than going after the dream
you know what
I’m talking about
the one thing
that despite
it’s elusion
and your persistent
doubts
sticks in your mind
and floats through
your thoughts
each time
you meet
someone new
don’t ever
settle
for long
April 2006
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Driver's Ed
at my desk
looking out the window
into the dreary mouth
of a wet and soggy storm
I wonder about the summer
I feel like I’m back in school
counting down days and
planning my yearbook odes
I think back to
the dry, endless
three months
that preceded
my first high school year
learning to drive
in a ford tempo
with a football coach
my guide
and my best friend
in the rearview mirror
not seeing that
she will become
one of the worst
operators of an automobile
I will ever know
and that I will spend
more than a few
harrowing moments
with her at the wheel
and my life in her hands
“what does that sign say??”
“is this a one-way?”
it’s funny that
my mortality
has only been
seriously tested
with her by my side
if that’s not angelic
I don’t know what is
~ June 1, 2006
looking out the window
into the dreary mouth
of a wet and soggy storm
I wonder about the summer
I feel like I’m back in school
counting down days and
planning my yearbook odes
I think back to
the dry, endless
three months
that preceded
my first high school year
learning to drive
in a ford tempo
with a football coach
my guide
and my best friend
in the rearview mirror
not seeing that
she will become
one of the worst
operators of an automobile
I will ever know
and that I will spend
more than a few
harrowing moments
with her at the wheel
and my life in her hands
“what does that sign say??”
“is this a one-way?”
it’s funny that
my mortality
has only been
seriously tested
with her by my side
if that’s not angelic
I don’t know what is
~ June 1, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
Butterflies
it will be a
long and lonely
life without love
how many nights
can i pass
staring at the ceiling
whispering mantras
to the walls
who am i
trying to convince
of my worthiness
sitting unaccompanied
in this room
the wind was blowing today
i could feel its
power and purpose
as i sat stagnant
and bereft of
a prospect
it has been
so long
i fear that
it will never come
i have been
tempted and teased
it's been dangled
in front of me
fluttering bright
like a newly hatched
butterfly
but it is a hard time
chasing butterflies
when finally enclosing
them in your hand
you have to keep
checking to make
sure they're not crushed
while keeping them from
flying away
and nobody wants
to cage a
butterfly
it dulls their beauty
and mutes their colors
best to let them go
and try not to
miss them
too much
- May 2006
long and lonely
life without love
how many nights
can i pass
staring at the ceiling
whispering mantras
to the walls
who am i
trying to convince
of my worthiness
sitting unaccompanied
in this room
the wind was blowing today
i could feel its
power and purpose
as i sat stagnant
and bereft of
a prospect
it has been
so long
i fear that
it will never come
i have been
tempted and teased
it's been dangled
in front of me
fluttering bright
like a newly hatched
butterfly
but it is a hard time
chasing butterflies
when finally enclosing
them in your hand
you have to keep
checking to make
sure they're not crushed
while keeping them from
flying away
and nobody wants
to cage a
butterfly
it dulls their beauty
and mutes their colors
best to let them go
and try not to
miss them
too much
- May 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
MS Walk
I walk because I want to honor my mother
I want to honor the fighter in her, not the loss of her
I want to honor her spirit in the face of a devastatingly subtle disease with
conspicuous consequences
I want to honor the stubborn resister who raised me with autonomy knowing
that she'd leave me prematurely
I walk because I can physically get up and move my limbs
Limbs that resemble hers in length and width and color
Limbs that can move like she hadn't been able to in years
Limbs that are not independent of my brain and nervous system
I walk because I was unable to accept this disease and its cloaking of her until she was fully ensconced in it
Until she couldn't lift a fork to her mouth
Until she couldn't gesture wildly while telling her favorite stories
Until she took her last breath with a frown on her face, worrying about me while
looking into her unknown
I walk because I can do something positive with the gifts she's given me
This gift of life and the living of it with hope and appreciation
This gift of strength to continue on with purpose and a smile regardless of
the sadness I sometimes float in
This gift of quiet knowledge that the events unfolded like they were supposed to
and that regret is for the feint of heart
I walk because I want to make her as proud as she always made me
I walk
~ March 2006
I want to honor the fighter in her, not the loss of her
I want to honor her spirit in the face of a devastatingly subtle disease with
conspicuous consequences
I want to honor the stubborn resister who raised me with autonomy knowing
that she'd leave me prematurely
I walk because I can physically get up and move my limbs
Limbs that resemble hers in length and width and color
Limbs that can move like she hadn't been able to in years
Limbs that are not independent of my brain and nervous system
I walk because I was unable to accept this disease and its cloaking of her until she was fully ensconced in it
Until she couldn't lift a fork to her mouth
Until she couldn't gesture wildly while telling her favorite stories
Until she took her last breath with a frown on her face, worrying about me while
looking into her unknown
I walk because I can do something positive with the gifts she's given me
This gift of life and the living of it with hope and appreciation
This gift of strength to continue on with purpose and a smile regardless of
the sadness I sometimes float in
This gift of quiet knowledge that the events unfolded like they were supposed to
and that regret is for the feint of heart
I walk because I want to make her as proud as she always made me
I walk
~ March 2006
Thursday, May 18, 2006
I don't know much ...
... but this is what life has taught me so far ...
Anything you are going through
good or bad
is temporary
so keep your eyes open
and breathe in the sun
while it warms your face
remembering that the next day
holds no promises
Happiness is a choice
we may not control
the world around us
but we rule our reactions to it
Strength is not always
a solitary thing
sometimes an outstretched hand
carries you further than
your own two feet
My great loves
have all been friends
that know my flaws the best
and whatever they see in me
is a reflection of my complete
adoration of them
Sadness may settle in my chest
on quiet nights
but I always wakeup lighter
Finding your talent
your inner beauty
gives you more self-worth
than any compliment ever will
So find out what you love
and do it
find out why you’re amazing
and be it
question yourself and
cut others some slack
you can only be responsible
for so much
let the rest go
Dance and be goofy
laugh at yourself
sing out loud
wherever you are
The hardest thing to do
is not settle
we are worth so much
More
than we know
hold onto that
through the loneliness
through the doubt
through the boredom
and thrive!
~ May 2006
Anything you are going through
good or bad
is temporary
so keep your eyes open
and breathe in the sun
while it warms your face
remembering that the next day
holds no promises
Happiness is a choice
we may not control
the world around us
but we rule our reactions to it
Strength is not always
a solitary thing
sometimes an outstretched hand
carries you further than
your own two feet
My great loves
have all been friends
that know my flaws the best
and whatever they see in me
is a reflection of my complete
adoration of them
Sadness may settle in my chest
on quiet nights
but I always wakeup lighter
Finding your talent
your inner beauty
gives you more self-worth
than any compliment ever will
So find out what you love
and do it
find out why you’re amazing
and be it
question yourself and
cut others some slack
you can only be responsible
for so much
let the rest go
Dance and be goofy
laugh at yourself
sing out loud
wherever you are
The hardest thing to do
is not settle
we are worth so much
More
than we know
hold onto that
through the loneliness
through the doubt
through the boredom
and thrive!
~ May 2006
Monday, May 15, 2006
Love is ...
Oh my gawd, it's finally done!!
How do you write honestly and unabashedly about something you haven't experienced in years, in the context of something you've never done?? And furthermore, how do you make it light and happy and idealistic while keepin it real? I'm not a foofy/girly/head-in-the-clouds writer or person, nor do I suffer that well - in writing or personality.
My cousin approached me with the lofty request to write and read a piece for her wedding .... during the ceremony .... in a bright red dress!! Keep in mind that this is BEFORE the reception when the libations start flowing. My audience will be sober and paying attention, at least until I start talking anyway. My initial thought was, "I love you and all, but no f-ing way am I going to do that!!" What actually came out of my mouth, much to my dismay and confusion (does my mouth remember how red my face gets while publicly speaking?) was, "Yeah, I'll get right on that." I think this was after we had taken many shots of the homemade Limoncello, so my acceptance cannot be held up in a court of law.
Anyway, my long-winded point is ..... the poem is done, or as done as it's gonna get, and while I'm relieved to have not left it for the night before (surprisingly), I still have to say it out loud to a big ole' group of people. Shit! What did I get myself into for love ....
If you ask 1000 different people
what love is
you'll get 1000 different answers
But it is in these differences
that love becomes vibrant and
fresh and individually tailored
For you both
I see a passion
unrivaled by past loves
Your affection a sign of
undying adoration
Oceans
fault lines
and family ties
not enough to keep you separate
And in separation
a strengthening and growth
of your bonds
I see reality
mixed with magic in your gazes
And optimism
in your thoughts and hopeful sighs
You remember that
love is not a happily-ever-after
It is a promise to
celebrate the good
and push on through the bad
It is a belief in yourself
that you are worthy of this life
and a strong faith in another to hold your heart
Love is a gift
and the choice you make
to return it
It is a climbing to the top
of a steep and perilous mountain
to be rewarded with
the beauty of the view
Love is knowing that
your mistakes will not break you
and your faults
not lessen your glow
The true test of love
is Time
It's in the settling
of charged particles
and clearing of dust
It's how you feel
after a fight
or change in your perceptions
It is in the every day
that true love unfolds
I wish you many real days
tempered with fairy tale moments
I wish you the wisdom
to appreciate the latter
for their brief appearances
and accept the former
in all its mundane glory
I wish you a marriage filled
with laughter and growth
and a story to tell your grandkids
on hot summer nights
I wish you family and light
But most of all
I wish you love
~ March 30, 2006
How do you write honestly and unabashedly about something you haven't experienced in years, in the context of something you've never done?? And furthermore, how do you make it light and happy and idealistic while keepin it real? I'm not a foofy/girly/head-in-the-clouds writer or person, nor do I suffer that well - in writing or personality.
My cousin approached me with the lofty request to write and read a piece for her wedding .... during the ceremony .... in a bright red dress!! Keep in mind that this is BEFORE the reception when the libations start flowing. My audience will be sober and paying attention, at least until I start talking anyway. My initial thought was, "I love you and all, but no f-ing way am I going to do that!!" What actually came out of my mouth, much to my dismay and confusion (does my mouth remember how red my face gets while publicly speaking?) was, "Yeah, I'll get right on that." I think this was after we had taken many shots of the homemade Limoncello, so my acceptance cannot be held up in a court of law.
Anyway, my long-winded point is ..... the poem is done, or as done as it's gonna get, and while I'm relieved to have not left it for the night before (surprisingly), I still have to say it out loud to a big ole' group of people. Shit! What did I get myself into for love ....
If you ask 1000 different people
what love is
you'll get 1000 different answers
But it is in these differences
that love becomes vibrant and
fresh and individually tailored
For you both
I see a passion
unrivaled by past loves
Your affection a sign of
undying adoration
Oceans
fault lines
and family ties
not enough to keep you separate
And in separation
a strengthening and growth
of your bonds
I see reality
mixed with magic in your gazes
And optimism
in your thoughts and hopeful sighs
You remember that
love is not a happily-ever-after
It is a promise to
celebrate the good
and push on through the bad
It is a belief in yourself
that you are worthy of this life
and a strong faith in another to hold your heart
Love is a gift
and the choice you make
to return it
It is a climbing to the top
of a steep and perilous mountain
to be rewarded with
the beauty of the view
Love is knowing that
your mistakes will not break you
and your faults
not lessen your glow
The true test of love
is Time
It's in the settling
of charged particles
and clearing of dust
It's how you feel
after a fight
or change in your perceptions
It is in the every day
that true love unfolds
I wish you many real days
tempered with fairy tale moments
I wish you the wisdom
to appreciate the latter
for their brief appearances
and accept the former
in all its mundane glory
I wish you a marriage filled
with laughter and growth
and a story to tell your grandkids
on hot summer nights
I wish you family and light
But most of all
I wish you love
~ March 30, 2006
The Reading
I’ve been thinking
a lot about love
in preparation
for this day
I wanted to
find something
perfect
to read
that encompassed
all you are
that put into words
eloquently and exactly
how you feel now
and how I hope
for you to feel
from now on
the I realized
in my search
for the
perfect poem
that the beauty
is in the search
and in the
imperfections
it reminded me
of life in general
and love specifically
the search
the broken hearts
the regrets
all fall away
when you find
what you never knew
you were going without
February, 2006
a lot about love
in preparation
for this day
I wanted to
find something
perfect
to read
that encompassed
all you are
that put into words
eloquently and exactly
how you feel now
and how I hope
for you to feel
from now on
the I realized
in my search
for the
perfect poem
that the beauty
is in the search
and in the
imperfections
it reminded me
of life in general
and love specifically
the search
the broken hearts
the regrets
all fall away
when you find
what you never knew
you were going without
February, 2006
Kim
Halloween
anniversaries
nights spent talking
laughing and wondering
how our lives would unfold
first loves
first broken hearts
and last looks
the dissection of every word said
every gesture performed
big milestones and
baby steps
every mundane thing
honored and validated
I call you Friend
a title not given lightly
or without implication
we’re family
sisters
souls come together in recognition
fights and tension
old wounds aired
brought into the light
to keep them from
festering in the darkness
what is between us now
is history
still in the making
I’m active in your life
as a memory
a bookmark
and sometimes voice of reason
or dictionary
to the familiar unknowns
call me and tell me
of your newest woe
and I’ll listen
with an empathetic heart
checking my judgment
as we go along
I am no one to say
where you should go
in love
or who with
just be careful with your heart
because when you break
I fragment a bit with you
we are of the same stone
that dissected years ago
and it’s buried
deep inside
the foundation of our friendship
don’t ever doubt
how amazing you are
and how proud
I am
to know you
May 7, 2006
anniversaries
nights spent talking
laughing and wondering
how our lives would unfold
first loves
first broken hearts
and last looks
the dissection of every word said
every gesture performed
big milestones and
baby steps
every mundane thing
honored and validated
I call you Friend
a title not given lightly
or without implication
we’re family
sisters
souls come together in recognition
fights and tension
old wounds aired
brought into the light
to keep them from
festering in the darkness
what is between us now
is history
still in the making
I’m active in your life
as a memory
a bookmark
and sometimes voice of reason
or dictionary
to the familiar unknowns
call me and tell me
of your newest woe
and I’ll listen
with an empathetic heart
checking my judgment
as we go along
I am no one to say
where you should go
in love
or who with
just be careful with your heart
because when you break
I fragment a bit with you
we are of the same stone
that dissected years ago
and it’s buried
deep inside
the foundation of our friendship
don’t ever doubt
how amazing you are
and how proud
I am
to know you
May 7, 2006
Possibilities
Possibilities
lie in the
birth of each new day
there are choices to make
and words to formulate
every time the sun
floats up to
its illustrious spot
in our humble sky
is a chance
to do something
amazing
it is a renewal
of hope
to live the life
we have envisioned
for ourselves
I look out
my car windows
eyes tired
from a restless night
and heart beating
for a dream untrue
and sense that
my life is headed
for something
more than
the sum of its parts
the mistakes I’ve made
no longer weigh me down
and words I regret
not saying
have been evicted
from my memory
like the lyrics
of once loved songs
I see the beauty
of my surroundings
and feel lucky
to live in this place
mt hood on fire
to my right
backlit by a halo of light
and the moon
to my left
sitting happily
in its exalted perch
fighting the daylight
and wanting to be seen
it makes me feel
optimistic and light
lessening the hurts
of the previous day
of the previous 26 years
I drive on
although I’d rather be sleeping
at this early hour
I drive on
to see more beauty unfold
as the minutes tick past
I drive on
to make my dreams
sharper and more malleable
I drive on
to spend 9 hours in a building
I’d rather burn down
I drive on
to alter the path
I’ve laid for myself
I drive on
February 15, 2006
lie in the
birth of each new day
there are choices to make
and words to formulate
every time the sun
floats up to
its illustrious spot
in our humble sky
is a chance
to do something
amazing
it is a renewal
of hope
to live the life
we have envisioned
for ourselves
I look out
my car windows
eyes tired
from a restless night
and heart beating
for a dream untrue
and sense that
my life is headed
for something
more than
the sum of its parts
the mistakes I’ve made
no longer weigh me down
and words I regret
not saying
have been evicted
from my memory
like the lyrics
of once loved songs
I see the beauty
of my surroundings
and feel lucky
to live in this place
mt hood on fire
to my right
backlit by a halo of light
and the moon
to my left
sitting happily
in its exalted perch
fighting the daylight
and wanting to be seen
it makes me feel
optimistic and light
lessening the hurts
of the previous day
of the previous 26 years
I drive on
although I’d rather be sleeping
at this early hour
I drive on
to see more beauty unfold
as the minutes tick past
I drive on
to make my dreams
sharper and more malleable
I drive on
to spend 9 hours in a building
I’d rather burn down
I drive on
to alter the path
I’ve laid for myself
I drive on
February 15, 2006
Love of another John?
I was moved tonight
by a song
it doesn’t sound
like much
the song or the movement
but it broke
something in me
opened some gate
I didn’t know
was barricaded
it was just a
song
although
I know
with all the creative talent
I can muster
that the good ones
are anything but
there was an
awakening
in the lyrics
forgiveness in the melody
we are all
ordinary people
it said
you’ve made mistakes
he said
but anyway
I choose you
what would that feel like?
January 31, 2006
by a song
it doesn’t sound
like much
the song or the movement
but it broke
something in me
opened some gate
I didn’t know
was barricaded
it was just a
song
although
I know
with all the creative talent
I can muster
that the good ones
are anything but
there was an
awakening
in the lyrics
forgiveness in the melody
we are all
ordinary people
it said
you’ve made mistakes
he said
but anyway
I choose you
what would that feel like?
January 31, 2006
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