5 Reasons

5 reasons I might just become the scary, insane lady on the block that lives alone and scares small children. Oh suburban living...

1) I just went outside in my undies and a tank top (its very hot and humid!) to yell "scram" at the neighborhood cats that like to make a habit of standing 2.5 inches away from one another in my front yard to have a meowing match while raising their hackles. Who the hell says "scram" anymore anyway except your poor, crazy, old Aunt Gertrude and the weird guy on the corner that sings into the handle of a used plunger to get passing cars to donate to his beer cause?

2) I have 3 cats and live alone ... and talk to them at times ... and talk to myself ... and have 3 cats and live alone.

3) When I think of something funny, regardless of where I am or what I'm doing, I will laugh out loud (usually tilting my head back in full lisa d style). Picture me sitting at my desk in the branch of a credit union in my smartest banker outfit. I'm seemingly typing and working diligently one moment and the next moment I'm laughing, lets face it cackling really, at nothing but the raucous images in my head.

4) When I find that I have accidentally walked through a discarded spider web and have a 6% chance of having a spider in my near vicinity I will do the full-on, freak out bug dance complete with spazzy, flailing body movements and high-pitched eeks of fear. (This usually happens right outside my door as I'm leaving for work almost everyday, and I still don't seem to catch on after all my repeat performances.)

5) While trying to start my lawn mower and tame my raging patch of land, I had one of my first temper tantrums since NKOTB broke up. This happened on a Sunday (holy resting day batman) in the afternoon while my neighbors were out. I kicked, I screamed, I pouted, and finally gave in. Damn red metal bastard!

To be continued ...

This is how I roll

Dina, Kayla and I rode our bikes on Padden last night. It's a concrete path with some pretty vegetation on the side of a busy road - a glorified sidewalk really - but nice for bike riding and walking, if not a bit loud. So we ride about 4 miles, turn around at this intersection, and then ride back.

Kayla rides like she's drug smuggling and has the fuzz quick on her tail. You can try to keep up with her at first, but all of the sudden you look up and she's but a speck in the distance. I come trailing next, slow but steady like a normal - if not totally out of shape - bike rider. Then comes Dina la-la-la'ing her way along, smiling at the blueberries, and squirrel-watching like the zen bike rider that she is.

Needless to say, Kayla reaches each intersection first, then I come huffing along, and then Dina arrives all cheerful and we continue on. At the last intersection before the big turn-around-and-come-back, Kayla is waiting patiently (and a bit fervently if you ask me) as I roll up and try to do this almost-rear-end-her turn and stop maneuver. My foot gets caught (that's the official story, but really I think my leg was just too tired to move from the petal) and doesn't hit the pavement in time and I fall over on my side with my bike landing on top of me in a glorious thud. Not only is this hilarious to Kayla and I, but I also have an audience of about 8 or 10 cars that think my klutziness is entertaining and they proceed to point and laugh as well.

All in all, this was a valuable lesson. You're never to old to fall over and be laughed at, and it doesn't hurt at all. This allowed me the freedom to take my bike off some sweet jumps in Dina's neighborhood and not be afraid of biffing it .... again!

Shoulding

i should be
cleaning my house
because hairballs
are floating by my feet
like tumbleweeds
on a deserted
hardwood highway

i should be
mowing my lawn
because it gives
the word overgrown
an entirely new
dimension and meaning
and i think there’s
an APB out
for a neighborhood cat
lost in the
rickety jungle
that is my backyard

i should be
more fashion forward
and thrift store savvy
as i cringe at the
tedious selections
meekly hanging
in my closet
and draped over
most of the surfaces
of my bedroom

i should be
erudite and
more informed of
political topics
as i have such a
love for words and thoughts
and have strong opinions
on most things debatable

i should be
more adept in the kitchen
remembering the
frozen burrito
i had for breakfast
and my gourmet dinner
of cornnuts last night

i should be
making a list
of all the things
that i am
instead of focusing
on what i may
or may not be
but ….
what would it say

~ July 2006

Wednesday

I wish
I could write
but there is
nothing to say

there’s the
blinking
of an unset clock
and a cat bathing
nearby

he is the
weirdest cat
I have ever had

I wake up to
bottle caps
and hair ties
in my shoes

his crooked tail
flails behind him
as he barrels
through the house
slipping
most awkwardly
on the hardwood floors

he has been
described as
sitting fat
and disaffected
in corners
by one of
my favorite writers

but he notices things
with an eerily
human-like
perceptiveness

he’s always the first
to detect
when I’m sad
comforting me
the best way
he knows how

~ June 2006

Tuesday

there is
a painting
on my wall
that reminds me
of a calla lily
and I wonder
what other
walls it will adorn
in the future

I feel like
this first house
of mine
will usher in
a new phase
of my life

I’m all grown up now
it seems
strapped down with
a mortgage
and the worries
of middle management
this isn’t
at all
how I thought
I would turn out

well
that’s not
entirely true
I didn’t have
the ability
to imagine
my life after
she left it
and now
though I have
the freedom
of an empty page
I’m somewhat scared
of the words
that will be written
upon it
and terrified of
what might be
left unsaid

~ June 2006

Monday

Monday
10:49 PM
there is a
fucking
dog barking
and I’ve never
felt like
kicking ass
more than I do
right now

people seem
to have
lost their
sense of
courtesy

they think …
hmmm
this annoying
yapping
probably
isn’t bothering
anyone
I’ll just
turn up my TV
pop another top
off the old Milwaukee’s Best
and scratch my belly
for no apparent reason
if I had
more teeth
I’d munch on
some of
that there
peanut brittle
I’m so fund of …

ahhhh
silence
the commercial
is over
back to
edited reality

~ May 2006

Just found this in an old email ...

... and forgot I had even written it ...

i dreamt that i was
shrouded in a
golden glow
warmed from the inside out
rays reaching to you
as my mind
finally stilled
more peaceful
than i've been
in months
as the pieces of me
fell away

i can't sense you
you have moved on
fully and completely
do you still think of me
or is it true what they say
time is not real
and these years are but
the blink of an eye to you

you yawn
awoken from your
peaceful slumber
stretching your long
lanky, restored limbs
and stare at something beautiful
as i work day after day
and go through the motions
remembering you
honoring you
missing you

were we not solely connected
was i supposed to be yours
or was i born a fluke
the line that ties me to you
is getting thinner and thinner
you become more like a theory
a story of loss
the embodiment of
things that never came to fruition
a mother in disguise

i'm stuck
i don't know where to go
from here
and need you more
than i ever thought possible

i need to know your mistakes
so i don't go
traipsing through them
blindly
i need to memorize
your triumphs
so i can make repeat performances
and drink from the cup of wisdom
you held so tightly to your chest

the things that you taught me
that slipped pastmy stubborn defenses
may not have been
what you intended
to pass along
i seem to be taking
the bad more liberally
than the good
and can barely remember
where to go from here

~ February 23, 2006

Ordinary Angels

friends
are a funny thing
some of them float
easily
into your life
and settle
in your chest
as if filling
a spot created
just for them

if you're lucky
you get one of
these a lifetime

they are the family
you were
separated from
at birth
that you spend
your life
searching for
but don't know
you're missing
they are the people
you choose to love
and aren't tied to
through blood
or obligation
or marriage

they fill you up
and make you float
surrounding you
with love
so buoyant
that reality
as you know it
is changed
your existence is brighter
your laugh louder
your sadness less sharp

they are ordinary
Angels
walking beside you
in front of you
and behind you
acknowledging your needs
to lead
to follow
and to fall into step

they are the ones
that remind you
to be amazing
they make you want
to be better
to keep growing
hoping one day
to be for them
what they are to you
they make you feel
celebrated
and cherished
while reminding
you to be
humble
they keep you in check
with a grace that allows
you to take the
lesson for what it is
and they make you
feel like you're
greater
than you are
so that you'll
do greater things

I do not
possess such
a wizardry with words
as to write a song
to sing their praises
but I will
lay my gratitude
at their feet
for the gifts
they continuously
give me
the gifts of
friendship
loyalty
laughter
forgiveness
understanding
growth
and belonging

Thank you

~ June 20, 2006