sledgehammer

sometimes it hits you like that
a sledgehammer
but not poppy and upbeat
like that 80s song
it’s more deep and
conniving
you think you’ll turn the corner
unscathed
until it arches towards you
deep and fast

3 years

how did that happen

I’m forgetting the tone of her voice
and the way she would
tilt her head and purse her lips
when a camera aimed
it’s ugly head at her
she hated her picture taken

I miss her so much

why does August have to circle
back around
as sure as rain and taxes
when you learn that you can depend
on nothing and no one
why does August stay so loyal

I have to get through Monday
and then we’ll talk
ask me how I am in 4 days
because I might not make it

I have still never heard from her
in my dreams
she’s visited 3 of the most beloved
ladies in my life
yet I have not seen her
what does that mean
that I’m blind
or she’s gone
left without saying goodbye

she couldn’t talk to me that last day
but she knew I was there
kept gasping
until I calmed her
over and over again

I’m so glad I was there

but how do I get through Monday…

8/23/07