Seis de Mayo

I just woke up
not feeling too hot
questioning my actions
from last night
questioning myself
for questioning them

it was so good to see
those familiar faces
new and old
connecting with the ones
I’m connected to
disconnecting a little
from the likes of you

someday soon
we’ll be like that
sitting on cushions
of old memories
speaking of new lives
not knowing
each other
anymore
reverting back to
roles we used to play

those who don’t allow
themselves to attach
to someone
seem to have
a lot of faces
to catch up with
is there no
one
that got away
is there no
one
that you burn
inside for

what do you
hold onto
to anchor yourself down

May 2006

Sunday Afternoon

there’s lots of beauty
in this world
my bad day
was interrupted
by it
many times over

the park
dogs running
and tripping
in the grass
looking up
at the clear blue sky
and seeing petals
floating all around
reading a book
on a blanket
with a good friend
by your side
loyalty incarnate

that I was
so taken aback
and touched
by the selfless
offer of a stranger
saddens me
where did I
get this
closed off way
of living
entombed in my house
and in my heart

writing has become
my lifeline
my way of
telling others
not to worry
or of calling
out for help
subtly and blindly
it’s my only outlet
I’ve allowed
to share my
weaknesses and
fears and sadness
in such a public way
and even then
I only share
certain parts
of poems
with others …

April 2006

Settling?

loving someone
is a beautiful thing

to want what’s best
for them
despite how much
it hurts you
is even more
luminous

how do you
honor yourself
when all
you want
is their time
their thoughts
their heart

it’s not real
it’s not what
you think
it should be
but you
can’t say no

I want you
to have everything
that you need
I want you to
get enough of
what you deserve
and I want you to
get some of
what you want
when it serves
you right

we are all
so much more worthy
than the lives we set up
and the paths we
follow

settling is so much easier
than going after the dream
you know what
I’m talking about
the one thing
that despite
it’s elusion
and your persistent
doubts
sticks in your mind
and floats through
your thoughts
each time
you meet
someone new

don’t ever

settle

for long

April 2006

Driver's Ed

at my desk
looking out the window
into the dreary mouth
of a wet and soggy storm
I wonder about the summer
I feel like I’m back in school
counting down days and
planning my yearbook odes

I think back to
the dry, endless
three months
that preceded
my first high school year
learning to drive
in a ford tempo
with a football coach
my guide
and my best friend
in the rearview mirror
not seeing that
she will become
one of the worst
operators of an automobile
I will ever know
and that I will spend
more than a few
harrowing moments
with her at the wheel
and my life in her hands
“what does that sign say??”
“is this a one-way?”

it’s funny that
my mortality
has only been
seriously tested
with her by my side
if that’s not angelic
I don’t know what is

~ June 1, 2006