Crush

I can’t sleep at night
I’m exhausted by
my imagination
covers are rumpled
from tossing and turning
remembering him

I analyze eye gazes and
go over phrases said in the dark
decipher sign language and body movements
as if they are some clue
to his true meaning

I can’t sleep at night
because of frustration
I had my chance
so long ago
but took the other path
instead
the path that led me
to tears and tantrums
to mini heartbreaks
and self-doubt
I chose someone else
over him
and that someone else
chose another
over me

where poets see justice
I only see pain
and all I want to do is sleep

December 2006