Crush

I can’t sleep at night
I’m exhausted by
my imagination
covers are rumpled
from tossing and turning
remembering him

I analyze eye gazes and
go over phrases said in the dark
decipher sign language and body movements
as if they are some clue
to his true meaning

I can’t sleep at night
because of frustration
I had my chance
so long ago
but took the other path
instead
the path that led me
to tears and tantrums
to mini heartbreaks
and self-doubt
I chose someone else
over him
and that someone else
chose another
over me

where poets see justice
I only see pain
and all I want to do is sleep

December 2006

Heartbreak

you never know
when it will hit you
at a movie
walking your dog
in the middle of a sentence
heartbreak is quick

innocently looking
through pictures
you see him there
daring to smile
as tears sneak up on you
heartbreak is sharp

joking through the pain
and embarrassment
wondering why it couldn’t be you
asking what you lack
or what imperfection you possess
heartbreak is baffling

wandering through life
craving human contact
blinded by sadness
missing opportunities
passing through possibilities
heartbreak is misguiding

searching for words
bleeding from fingertips
trying to stop the pain
with the right phrase
missing the point
of the whole thing
heartbreak is poisonous

you will never know all that I am
will never kiss my eyelids
or feel my breath on your neck
I will not share a secret smile with you
or curl up next to you in bed
heartbreak taught me that

January 2006